I don't get up until the sun is down

I'm stuck in a town thats not enough for me
Don't tell me that its easy
Some say that I'm bad news
But Ive got some new for you
We live a life that nobody knows

After Warped Tour 08, I have realized that I can't really trust anyone here at home. The one person that says they will go with me, that has supposedly looked forward to it since last year when he couldn't go, who I bought a ticket for, calls and tells me hours before hand that hes just gonna go to work instead. So, on the hour and a half drive to the show, I really found that I'm better off without trying to trust people to show up or hang out at any point in time.

Even so, Warped Tour was amazing.
Set Your Goals and Four Year Strong back to back, front row for each.
Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heroes, From First To Last, Every Time I Die, and The Bronx were also amazing. Going alone this year wasn't that bad, it allowed me to really just do what I wanted to and not have to worry about anyone else and if they were having a good time. I can't wait for the next show that I get to go to, which will probably either be the Nightwish show on September 1st, or one of the NOFX shows in october.

Days Go By

Days go by and my mind lingers on what has happened. The last week and a half have just kind of blended together into a sort of blur. I'm not complaining by any means, it is allowing me to go through this summer a little bit faster. I look forward to Friday's just so that I can sleep through the weekend and look forward to another friday ahead of me. With 38 days left in the U.S. I find myself preparing myself for whatever may come at me when I leave. I don't know what waits for me up in Canada, but whatever it is, I will be ready for it. I will take each day in turn when I get there and hopefully not miss any opportunity to live life to it's fullest extent.

Warped Tour is 3 days away and it could not come soon enough. I need the release that it gives me. I need the bruises and bloody lip that I seem to get every year from pits and surfers that happen to land on my head. I love the crowd, I love the music, and I love the way that I can push my limit and push myself to give everything that I have.

Somewhere....

"Somewhere between happy and total fucking wreck."

Truer words have never graced my ears. I can't say that I'm happy by any means, but I also can't say that I am completely beyond hope. I have found myself to be completely alone here at home. I know I've said it before, but I truly mean it now. There is nothing and no one keeping me here. No reason to stay, no reason to even get up and do what I do day to day. When you are living simply to live, there is something wrong in my opinion. There should always be something ahead of you, always something that you are living for. I am living for the future, but it's hard to live for the future when you are trying to just get by day to day.

I don't know where the future is taking me. I am going abroad for a semester with a handful of others, some that I know, some that I don't. I don't think that it will be hard to meet people in Canada, to make new friends, and to have a good time. It's just that getting that far is going to be the hard part. I'm holding on to every single rope that I can grab, and am not sure which ones are actually going to take me anywhere.

While I feel totally alone, I also feel that I am the only one that has my back in this shit-hole of a town. I can't trust anyone here to be there for me when I need them. I can't trust anyone to do anything for me, so I have to do everything I need myself. I can live with that for the rest of this summer, but I shouldn't have to.

I went to Burlington for 4 days, and the minute I got there I knew things were different then here. The minute I got there, there were people waiting for me, people that wanted to see me, people that were willing to do anything for me. In the days to follow I truly found that they were there for me if I needed anything. Then I had it all ripped away from me when I had to come back to NY. This isn't home. Home is where your family is. Home is where you can be happy. My real family is in Vermont. My real family are the friends that have struggled through daily problems at my side, and who I have struggled through by their side.

I don't see why people want to be in this place. I don't see why anyone would want to stay in the country instead of experiencing a city, no matter how big or small it is. I just don't know why I have no one that I can connect with here. I guess I just have to rely on myself more than ever.

"But how we survive is what makes us who we are."

I write to remember, and I write to forget.

I started this whole thing in order to try to remember things that I've been through and so that I can try to write some of this stress away. I write to remember the good times, and I write to try to alleviate the bad ones. Lately though I'm just not sure what to write about. I just go to write, and nothing comes out. I sit and stare at a blank template for an hour and realize that there is nothing there. Things just aren't getting out of my head and on to the page, they just hit a roadblock right at my wrists.