Thoughts

My heart skips a beat as I see your missed message
I eagerly read it hoping for something....
I can't think and my fingers lock up
What can i say that will make up for what has happened?
My brain aches and my heart pauses as I simply hit "send"
With every moment after I read "Message Sent" I sit and wonder
Wonder if better words could have been comprised
As the minutes pass, I can only sit and think that the words I sent were the wrong ones to send.
My itunes is on random and the lyrics pull me in
I realize that the song puts into words what I can't
"Always, your on my mind, and if I can't sleep without you then why would I even try to?"
I finally scroll to your name and hit call, not sure what to expect when you pick up
The moment I hear your voice, everything else goes silent and gray.
In that moment your voice is the only thing in the world that seems to matter.
As my senses seem to recover, I notice my body shaking uncontrollably
I hear your laugh and the picture you sent me that currently occupies my mantle fills my mind
A time when were both complete with just sitting with each other under a tree in the darkening afternoon light.
With every word that you say, I hate myself a little bit more, knowing how badly I screwed everything up.
My stomach turns around and around again. I feel sick realizing what I've done.
The last two days the thought of you has never left my mind and I've tried so hard to do something about it....
I know I screwed up and What I wouldn't give to just have another day with you where we never got out of bed, where we never let each other go, where nothing else in the entire world seemed to matter.
I try to find strength in the things around me, in my music and in anything else that I have.
The people I call friends don't understand what is going on and I can't explain it to them because I already know their responses.
I pull your letter from the envelope that sits beneath your picture.
The card tells me that its there to make me feel better when ever I may feel down, and this is one of those times.
Another text, this was barely readable, I know your drunk
Will you even remember in the morning?
More thoughts for my brain to try to filter through before focusing back on anything else.
Now more minutes pass, your texts have stopped, have you fallen asleep or are you just done with things for the night? I wish i could fall asleep beside you. Just to feel the excitement, the pure happiness that I used to when i woke to find you to be the first thing I saw, the first person I touch, the first person I talk to.
The world has played a shitty hand and folding just isnt an option.